Dating after loss parent
He’s just a captivating guy I’ve dated with absolutely zero promises, and good for him. In my opinion, it is actually not cool or very nice to ignore people you are on good terms with and even less nice if they’re an object of your affections. As Tim and I stood out front messing with our bicycles, I did what I probably shouldn’t have; I glanced back in the restaurant window to see if I was being seen. -Mary Oliver, It is an appreciation of beauty, life and pleasure that takes my breath away. Maybe he’s living his life honestly but trying not to overthink. If I had to choose right now, for all time, whether I wanted a string of enchanting dream dates without attachment, or a stable, serious, long-term, monogamous relationship, I’d chose the former, hands down! This time, I saw him just as I was rubbing handwash all over my hands with a grossed-out face after leaving the Porta Potty. Like the best dreams, it stands alone, carrying no obligation to the future and needing no memory of the past.This morning, as Tim and I walked by and he waited for a table, he buried his head in some reading material, the brim of his hat jauntily hiding his divine, Greek godly face. But, it’s a complicated thing, to show that recognition in public, with other entanglements present. I almost turned into a pillar of salt; the lovely lady was gazing over her shoulder at me! Had he gone through all of the same activities of the dream date he and I had shared, but with her, the night before? Was I just a passive subject in his self-absorbed Adonis Show? And even if so, god that was fun and I don’t care that much. This is a quality I want for myself, more and more. After all, he’s never lied or broken a promise to me. But here’s where I get complicated, Debbie Downer and cerebral: 1) It takes a lot of energy for me to get past that ‘squirm’ at something like what happened today. Abruptly, his face turned away from me, his left hand sliding up to mouth. While I want to recount dates like this to all my closest friends and family at length, the audience of who actually cares is limited. My single friends might misconstrue and think I’m engaging in obnoxious one-upmanship. I want to re-hash this all, caught up in the romance and fantasy of it.We got really hot, then found a Mexican grocery with cold beverages and nice guys who shared a spicy tamale with us, bringing me back to my senses and out of my head. He said no, and I decided on something timeless, and not too restrictive, that I hoped would match the old Cessna: dark, flared, high-waisted jeans, a bright colored sleeveless top with a cute peter pan collar, and strappy red sandals. First, he performed what appeared to be a quite serious safety inspection of the very sexy airplane he’d restored to mint condition over a decade with his dad and best friends. As he nerded out over the aged Cessna, I could sense his slightly obsessive love for it.We went thrifting and Tim started crafting his nefarious Halloween costume plans with our thrift store booty! Also, does it mean something if a man I’ve been casually dating lately with wants to watch the once-in-a-lifetime in our region solar eclipse with me? I’m not sure I’m cool with the conclusions he might draw if I took him up on his invitation–might infringe on my single self. It’s time for another round of dating horror stories: I am getting over being sick and only out with this dude due to boredom. When a guy launches into a speech on the first date “I’m almost too nice. He asked me to hold off for a few more minutes so he could better groom his magnificent self. Maybe overly smooth, but Adonis has got game, I’ll give him that. I was touched that he’d share this part of his life with me. the connection was on many levels.) But, he has proved to be also only ’emotionally available’, for fleeting hours of face time, and with no promises. Another very cute guy, I met while out for a walk in my city neighborhood. Here’s why: actually after some questioning I learned he was still living with his wife, the mother of his children, and she didn’t know he was out picking up ladies AND he’d just right then lied to me first and told me he lived alone. I should have known by the way he scurried along the gutter. A couple of weeks ago, ‘Wild Animal Man’ aka, ‘The Centaur’ and I had a funny exchange. A little background on how my nicknames for him evolved: ‘The Centaur’ was coined by a mutual friend one night, after this undomesticated man-person had stomped around at a party in only cowboy boots and sparkly spandex. The nickname just fit his oversized, beautiful presence.Much of our lives–such as the part in which we are both single parents with past baggage and future desires and mundane daily activities and other romantic involvements and struggles, are kept sealed away like nuclear waste. This past Saturday felt like too much with regard to the ‘compartmentalized romance’ thing. For example, he’s never, ever, said many of the usual sweet nothings to me, such as “I like you a lot” or “I think you’re attractive/pretty.” We just don’t really talk along these lines. That quality certainly keeps my walls up, which is kinda just the way I want it right now. “I like it,” he said with a grin as the band started to play and we began to dance again.He then snapped about a hundred pictures of me on my phone with the airplane, ‘for your grandchildren to see what a confident and fearless woman their grandmother was’ he said. I now have the souvenirs of this experience, great photos that he later spent some time cropping and filtering to just how he liked them.
My decision-making skills are weakened from years of letting my spouse take the lead. In addition, I worry that every plan I come up with will be inadequate. And up until recently, family was always the three of us; Tim, his dad, and me.As it turned out, the landing was one of the most graceful things I’ve ever experienced in a plane. Waiting in the wide open field while he shut some things down, I burst into a free, ranging, dance, leaping, turning, and cartwheeling. (I’d show the pics to you, but then I’d have to kill you). I’d like to learn to bring facets of our pleasant dream into my waking single life, to become my own muse and inspiration.